'Helping Others' - A Dilemma or Benefit

Sometimes you hate your genetic coding. All your life you have been growing

up with your siblings and cousins and same age friends spending lives as they

are but one day you realize that you are too generous, helpful, caring and super

nice to everyone and in return you are not even getting one tenth of how you

treat them. You get to realize that your kindness is taken for granted. You have

been passed from one friends’ circle to another doing things, giving and giving until

so much of that magic dust of yours has been spent that nothing has been left. You

have no other way than to adapt towards an aggressive approach and take it away

as well. Now that is psychologically speaking quite normal if someone who has spent

all his/her life giving away so much starts taking back and if could not then throw

away people from lives and cut them out of lives. 

If you do catharsis here you will realize that you are the defaulter and it should not have happened in the first place if you were cautious enough and not that benevolent. It's your folly; your doing; your mistake. Looking back at what and how it happened you tend to realize all your home warmings, invitations, reunions, gatherings, events, house and public parties. You were cooking for people, spending on their favours, arranging stuff for them, favouring their day-to-day tidbits, buying them expensive gifts, giving away your time in shopping them with them, picking them up, dropping them, forgiving their heavy loans, paying their travel fares sometimes, being with them on the phone, being good listeners to their personal problems (whereas they always slacking up with yours). The world around is selfish but then it's on you as well to have a balance to let selfishness win you away and use you as a commodity. 

This trait in your personality somewhat makes you compassion fatigue. It's seen all

around as these people are considered and made special selectives in absorbing

other peoples' stress and problems and creating a mess of their own lives eventually.

There is solution to every problem and a way out for all kind of disorderly conducts

but first you have to bring your inner core to a level of strength so that you can control

your state of emotional toll of 'Helping others'. Kind hearted people are nice beings to

live in this world. They definitely add to the beauty of lives but they need to be self

compassionate about themselves as well in order to maintain their own sanity. Being

a helpful person is not easy. It feels good to be one but it also takes toll on one. Once

in a while a pat on back is must, a little break from all is good, personal thrifts of self

loving, caring and spending should come as natural. Kind hearted people almost keep

on being kind and compassionate about helping others that they tend to lose themselves

when doing so for longer times. We all need to be very careful when you come across

friends or people in your lives who are experiencing trauma, major problems, financial

hiccups in life. You should be only there for such people where you can take it easily

hence stop when it starts adding to your stress levels. People who care more than usual

often keep up caring and absorbing other people's pain for so long that they forgo

vicarious trauma themselves. It can affect their personalities at major levels giving them

mood swings, their ability of letting other people in and suffering major solitudes. The

behaviour change in them is often not accepted by others. It's entirely fair for those

same friends and people who once were your friends to become strangers. But only then

you tend to realize who becomes enemies, and from targets they become bullies. This

stage will sometimes make you go through 'vicarious trauma' which comes from helping

and caring for other absent or visible PTSD people in your lives.

Conclusion:

Try to break free of a monotonous cycle of work. Have a different set of activities on
weekends rather than meeting the same friends or people from work/study on weekends.
Treat yourself with good meals, discovering nature, writing, reading, doing anything
related to your hobby, spending time with your loved ones or family. Just do the opposite
of what you have been caring for and caring about others' problems and solutions. Stop
making promises. Start saying 'No' to people. Stop replying to bullying and
condescending tones. Try figuring out what makes you happy and smile even if it's
something which is for a few seconds. Make a list of those things and enhance them in
your room as reminders in any form. Just believe in yourself. You are worthy of being
loved as you are beautiful, still a kind hearted and amazing person and you do not always
have to show it or be around other people for their approval. This will boost your mood
and you will feel mentally and physically healthy. Giving your body a proper time like spa,
skin treatments or exercise will make you happy and physically fit too. You will see that
your energy level revives and kicks back. Your self esteem and confidence is back. You
will realize that you were losing yourself with being too much caring and you will be able
to set those exaggerating levels of compassion fatigue.