Saturday, April 1, 2023

'Helping Others' - A Dilemma or Benefit

Sometimes you hate your genetic coding. All your life you have been growing
up with your siblings and cousins and same age friends spending lives as they
are but one day you realize that you are too generous, helpful, caring and super
nice to everyone and in return you are not even getting one tenth of how you
treat them. You get to realize that your kindness is taken for granted. You have
been passed from one friends’ circle to another doing things, giving and giving until
so much of that magic dust of yours has been spent that nothing has been left. You
have no other way than to adapt towards an aggressive approach and take it away
as well. Now that is psychologically speaking quite normal if someone who has spent
all his/her life giving away so much starts taking back and if could not then throw
away people from lives and cut them out of lives. 

If you do catharsis here you will realize that you are the defaulter and it should not have happened in the first place if you were cautious enough and not that benevolent. It's your folly; your doing; your mistake. Looking back at what and how it happened you tend to realize all your home warmings, invitations, reunions, gatherings, events, house and public parties. You were cooking for people, spending on their favours, arranging stuff for them, favouring their day-to-day tidbits, buying them expensive gifts, giving away your time in shopping them with them, picking them up, dropping them, forgiving their heavy loans, paying their travel fares sometimes, being with them on the phone, being good listeners to their personal problems (whereas they always slacking up with yours). The world around is selfish but then it's on you as well to have a balance to let selfishness win you away and use you as a commodity. 


This trait in your personality somewhat makes you compassion fatigue. It's seen all

around as these people are considered and made special selectives in absorbing

other peoples' stress and problems and creating a mess of their own lives eventually.

There is solution to every problem and a way out for all kind of disorderly conducts

but first you have to bring your inner core to a level of strength so that you can control

your state of emotional toll of 'Helping others'. Kind hearted people are nice beings to

live in this world. They definitely add to the beauty of lives but they need to be self

compassionate about themselves as well in order to maintain their own sanity. Being

a helpful person is not easy. It feels good to be one but it also takes toll on one. Once

in a while a pat on back is must, a little break from all is good, personal thrifts of self

loving, caring and spending should come as natural. Kind hearted people almost keep

on being kind and compassionate about helping others that they tend to lose themselves

when doing so for longer times. We all need to be very careful when you come across

friends or people in your lives who are experiencing trauma, major problems, financial

hiccups in life. You should be only there for such people where you can take it easily

hence stop when it starts adding to your stress levels. People who care more than usual

often keep up caring and absorbing other people's pain for so long that they forgo

vicarious trauma themselves. It can affect their personalities at major levels giving them

mood swings, their ability of letting other people in and suffering major solitudes. The

behaviour change in them is often not accepted by others. It's entirely fair for those

same friends and people who once were your friends to become strangers. But only then

you tend to realize who becomes enemies, and from targets they become bullies. This

stage will sometimes make you go through 'vicarious trauma' which comes from helping

and caring for other absent or visible PTSD people in your lives.


Conclusion:

Try to break free of a monotonous cycle of work. Have a different set of activities on
weekends rather than meeting the same friends or people from work/study on weekends.
Treat yourself with good meals, discovering nature, writing, reading, doing anything
related to your hobby, spending time with your loved ones or family. Just do the opposite
of what you have been caring for and caring about others' problems and solutions. Stop
making promises. Start saying 'No' to people. Stop replying to bullying and
condescending tones. Try figuring out what makes you happy and smile even if it's
something which is for a few seconds. Make a list of those things and enhance them in
your room as reminders in any form. Just believe in yourself. You are worthy of being
loved as you are beautiful, still a kind hearted and amazing person and you do not always
have to show it or be around other people for their approval. This will boost your mood
and you will feel mentally and physically healthy. Giving your body a proper time like spa,
skin treatments or exercise will make you happy and physically fit too. You will see that
your energy level revives and kicks back. Your self esteem and confidence is back. You
will realize that you were losing yourself with being too much caring and you will be able
to set those exaggerating levels of compassion fatigue.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Democracy in Pakistan; A Big Joke

I have always been at backstage and in a detracting position when people around me are talking about politics and religion especially Islam. Firstly I feel I am not much of a authentic spot and a knowledge base to be discussing about these two topics but I have a tremendous respect and an unbiased judgement for the believers and debaters and for the fact concept holders. 

Anyways I am going to talk about the state of perilous democracy in Pakistan. We won't discuss about the state Pakistan is in as I am sure being a Pakistan or even a foreigner all of us are aware of the economical and political situation of this country. The modern term of democracy has quite changed in these last two decades. We simply state it as rule of the people. Today we govern our own selves and live in quite a free spirited world though we tend to think we live in one. Democracy should be about more than just casting a vote for country or any sector development. Let's take a little aggressive approach for voting in this country. It should be more of 'I love to vote' I don't want to vote' than instead of 'Voting is someone's right and everybody should cast their votes'. There lies to difference of understanding a perfect in sync democracy.

http://www.openculture.com/2017/08/ralph-steadmans-surrealist-illustrations-of-george-orwells-animal-farm-1995.html
Copyright Picture from Animal Farm (1995)


Pakistan is not at all a democratic country. If you can't understand that living inside of Pakistan then its hard for you to understand what democracy is. Democracy is out country is like game of thrones (well not the world famous Tv show please) that everyone want to snatch the first opportunity to get on that seat and govern this country like being the ruler is his/her birth right to ruler over this country and then set a legacy for just his or her family members to follow the lead tauba Nauzubillah (seek refuge from Allah) seems to them after our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to take the ultimate rule. The pattern of these political agenda has been quite same and steady since Pakistan has been free. Sometimes I don't even know what we have been free from looking into the diabolical condition of Pakistan. Every living being in the world has that reproduction cycle to just pass on the gene to the next generation so to procreating and live upon through the next generation. We humans; oh let me me more specific we humans in Pakistan has been prone in developing so highly and we have just so many classifications like

Races
Casts
Subcasts
Religions
Societies
Sects
Families
Classes
Groups

Gosh you name it and its there. So much of diversification has evolved in us that to eradicate or completely destroy the other sometimes feels like the only way to bring your class and faith to rule golden. I do say it out loud and people yes sometimes call me crazy. Even I do (;)) when I say wild animals are better than us humans. At least they do things they are programmed to do and we being 'Ashraf al Makhlooqat' negate our one most special ability. 

Having said all this why is it so difficult to believe that a political leader or ex leader in Pakistan would want to embed his/her own breed in the next set of ruling stage here by any means whether that is defaming, rigging elections, murdering, starting riots, bribing the systems and pricing this so called nation. These part leaders will do anything to be among public in the streets during elections and they and their children will probably even believe that they are good human beings probably doing good just because their ancestors have been doing them. 

For them Its like watching a movie when you see a negative character or villain like you exactly and you tend to take out all the positive features and try tpo become the protagonist of the entire story. Hence the state of democracy is a normality where there has been so much classification and we want to live in that division because this has become very normal for even you and me. The is a polluted democracy and it will continue poisoning the cells of the next God knows how many generations. It will always be Chauhdrys, Bhuttos, Shareefs and etc etc. 

We probably need to consider the left wing politics believer of leftists at least some credit to have an unbiased theory. Its probably because they have identified and discovered them to be not a part of this ruling system. We need to start saying a wrong is a wrong than to say I think this right is a wrong or this wrong is a right. This strained situation needs an evolved very powerful human being to at least provide a little balance to our Pakistani nation. We need to understand that democracy has lost its meaning until we can bring a new vocabulary to this dictionary.  We all need to bring in the kind of democracy where everyone needs to understand the true value of togetherness and bring in the equality no matter you are different in contrast to your richness, poorness, sex, education, cast of any kind of classification. You just need to follow the traffic signals whether there is a warden or camera or no one on the street or even if you do it then you do it with a sense of righteousness with paying off the penalty and ticket. Let's not evolve into carnivores and find our true social gene pool!

Good luck Pakistan!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Smile works a magic

The title of this post is 'smile' though what intrigued me to write about it today is not something smiley in fact its a person's death whose smile was very bubbly and beautiful and full of life.
There is this quote by someone wise, "Always smile, you never know who will fall in love with your smile". I never met this person in my entire life. It's my best friend's teacher of 'Political Science. I just saw her picture and fell in love with her smile. It was so pure, energetic, bubbly and something which could brighten up an entire gloomy day. There was a tint of mischief and message of letting go of worries and give out a time to smile.
Sadly this is the day of her passing away. Today she left this world and not only affecting her loved ones, family, relatives and students but the people who casually knew her. And why I could tell is because I never met her in my entire life and just saw her in picture 2 times; which is today and one day back when I visited my best friend for a slumber party.

Her name is Mrs. Saira Malik and she was the head of department in Kinnaird College for Women, Lahore. May her soul rest in peace. She is going to deprive so many of that beautiful smile now. I am no one to her. I am not related to her in any way. i am just writing down this article out of humanity but what forced to put all this in a column was the understanding and the vital importance of how a 'pure smile' can bring a fresh breath of life in one's lungs. Smile is so important. It depicts beauty, humanity, feeling of loved and to love, positivity and piety. It rewinds and jogs my memory to a beautiful quote by our Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H), "Even a smile is charity". This is something we listened to and read in our childhood in our compulsory subject 'Islamic Studies'.

We give no value to smiling even knowing deep down in our hearts that its value is immeasurable. My friend told me about Mrs. Saira Malik that she used to smile and laugh so much in the class and everyone loved her for that. My friend told me that she was in the hearts of so many and she realized that today as well when within a few hours there were 400 + comments on her Facebook.

The late Mrs. Saira Malik (Political Science teacher in Kinnaird College, Lhr)

My whole point of writing is not only to pay tribute this amazing lady but to tell the world how smile can light up someone's world like her students when she used to enter the class (such are the testimonials on her Facebook). A genuine smile from the heart can be heard and felt within a second thousands of miles away. During telephonic conversations you can test this with your friends or loved ones who live far away to smile and talk and you can feel it here. Smile more. Smile with passion. Smile without any fear what other people would think or might question you or perceive you like. Smile for yourself and the world around. You never know may be that's what the society needs. May be that is what the people around you expect you to do. Just do it. Plus it for free and there is not excuse or charge to doing it. Who knows it could change you from inside and lets you affect other people like it affected me.

Not to forget that it was her smile for sure which magically turned her students life for sure in one or another way. A teacher is good with knowledge but gets best with a pure smile.
God bless you all.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Online Search Analysis for all Bigg Boss 8 Contestants



Bigg Boss does not have a standard format for contestants’ nominations. It’s not biased with the star level values of the contestants. The format however though does have an effect for the initial first month because whoever the nominations shall be participants will be evicted from the show depending on how popular or famous are they within their work industry and in related to each other online presence too. Right now Bigg Boss season 8 is just having its third day so we can formulate all the people in the Bigg Boss house ranking their Google and FaceBook searches.  But having said that it definitely does not mean that the winner or runner ups of the show depend on their online or media search popularity. If Shweta Tiwari was the winner of Bigg Boss show then she was having more popular online crawlers like Khali (Wrestler), the hottie Veena Malik, Sameer Soni, Sara Khan (upcoming rising TV star of the time) and the Bhojpuri ultra famous star Manoj Tiwari. She competed with all of them and became winner. Let’s go one by one. (Random order and not based on high search count). 

Bigg Boss Season 4 already popular contestants


1. Natasha Stankovic








Natasha Stankovic  is a Serbian born Bollywood side actress, model and a photographer dancer in her ending thirty, with search count for 114,000 results and a highest Facebook fans number of 1,565.



 2. Diandra Soares




She has been a very famous model and now a makeup artist, anchor, fashion designer and talent hunter in her mid thirty, with a search count for 1,070,000 results, twitter followers of 3,130 and highest Facebook Fans of 634. She seems to be popular as she is a million plus searches on Google. Diandra Soares needs to show her fans a more effortful image in the house for sure for she could end like Pooja Bedi and Khali in lowering her popularity.


3. Praneet Bhatt






Praneet Bhatt is an actor and a director and is working in a famous TV role of ‘Shakuni mama’ in the famous series ‘Maha-Bharat’ in his mid thirty, with a search count of 126,000 results and a highest Facebook fans number of 2,563. Well I have to say he got cash his ongoing TV role and a little charismatic effort to stay up in the show.



4. Karishma Tanna




Karishma Tanna is a very famous Indian, actress, TV presenter and a tall hottie model who has worked a great career in Indian TV. She is a promising thirty year old that is being continuously seen on various TV shows for last 10 years since her first debut on the famous ‘Kyunke Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi’. She has a search count of 321,000 results but a good Facebook fans count of 16,000 and official Twitter followers of 13,500.


5. Sushant Divgikar







Sushant Digvikar is an Indian known gay actor who has also won Mr Gay India 2014 title. He is a young 24 year old who also participated in Mr Gay World 2014 representing India. He has a search count for 139,000 and Facebook fans count of 2,390.


6. Gautam Gulati








Gautam Gulati is 29 year old Indian TV actor who is very popular for this TV show ‘Diya aur Baati Hum’. He has a total search count of 654,000 results and a round figure of 17,800 Facebook fans.


7. Sukirti Kandpal






Sukirti Kandpal is a 27 year old famous Indian TV actress known for her famous roles in the TV shows ‘Dil Mill Gaye’ and ‘Pyar kii Ye Ek Kahani’. She has a total search count for 343,000 results and a huge Facebook fan following of 125,948. She is going to be a strong contender in Bigg Boss for sure.


8. Soni Singh






Soni Singh is yet another 27 year old famous TV actress (along with a strained dancer) and a star personality whose famous TV show is ‘Laagi Tujhse Lagan’ who has a grand Google search count for 8,650,000 results (wow! That’s an 8 million plus) but a low Facebook fan following of 750. 


9. Upen Patel



Upen Patel is a Bollywood hunk and a film actor in his early thirty who has a wannabe playboy tag in the industry. He is British famous super model who has endorsed big brands like Tommy Hilfiger, Hugo Boss, Paul Smith and so many others. He is considered to be one of the best looking models in the industry and started his debut acting in 36 China Town and then Namaste London and a few other movies.  He has a search count of 256,000, Facebook Fan following of about 6,900 and 7,325 Twitter followers.


10. Aarya Babbar





Aarya Babbar is an actor who has worked in Bollywood films and especially much known actor for doing Punjabi films. He is the son of famous film actor ‘Raj Babbar’. His most acknowledged movies are ‘Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola’ and ‘Yaar Annmulle’.  He has a total search count of 75,500, twitter followers of 2,535 and most fan-following on Facebook for 18,040.


11. Sonali Raut




Sonali Raut is a 23 year old Mumbai/Delhi based model and fresh actress who has just recently appeared in a Bollywood movie ‘The Xpose’. She has a Google search count of 494,000 , Twitter followers of about 300 and a Facebook fan holding of 550. Right now, in the Bigg Boss show people are already trying to decipher her attitude and if with such fresh fame she doesn’t change this being she is definitely saying bye-bye to Bigg Boss very soon.



12. Minissha Lamba


Minissha Lamba is a 29 year old Bollywood actress. She has a genteel and doll like yet a star personality. Her popularity and shout outs started from the famous Himesh Reshammiya song ‘Tera Surroor’ from the album ‘Aap Kaa Surroor’. Her top movies are ‘Honeymoon Travel Pvt. Ltd.’ & ‘Bachna Ae Haseeno’. She has a search count of 130,000 results, an amazing twitter popularity of 556,000 and a Facebook fan-following of 690,000. I guess she just needs to stable herself in the house and give her best as she is favoured with a good amount of fans, her Bollywood appearances and a power pack sweet personality.


It’s still very early to say anything but my guesses for the top six would be Minissha, Aarya, Upen, Sukirti, Karishma and Gautam. Let’s also not forget the wild card entries. Probably like last time there would be two more adding up after a month of evictions. Hopefully Honey Singh is said to be on the move. Watch out ladies in the house!  ;)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

First Lucky or Unlucky six confirmed for Bigg Boss 8

I want to say a big 'WOW' for these first 6 confirmed contestants for this coming season Bigg Boss 8. The envisaged contestants are still on the leveling up for for now you have a complete look on these 6. Super big names are here surprisingly. Let's give you a little moot for these dynamic and gorgeous first 6 confirmed entrants in Bigg Boss house.

First 6 confirmed contestants of #BiggBoss8

1. Shweta Salve

Shweta Salve is a hot and famous model in India and a TV star. She was the first runner up in the first season of 'Jhalak Dikhla Ja' and continued grooming her dancing skills and was referred as the 'Madhuri Dixit' of small screen. 

2. Mohit Malhotra

Mohit Malhotra is a known TV actor and actually got his fame from his famous stint in 'MTV Splitzvilla' season 2 with some controversy for saying something racist against his co-contestant Siddharth Bhardwaj. His most known serial is 'Bade Achay Lagte Hain'.

3. Sushant Divgikar

Sushant Divgikar is an actor, VJ, model, presenter and a choreographer. But moreover he got his fame from getting in the top tens for Mr. Gay India 2014 though he didn't win it but got quite a many awards. Hopefully there is a lot of masala going in Bigg Boss house this season and let's see if he succeeds in getting the same fame name as VJ Andy got in Bigg Boss 7.

4. Arya Babbar

This mister is the famous Raj Babbar's son Arya Babbar who is a Bollywood actor and specially a star value for Punjabi films. You have seen him in some famous movies Guru, Ab ke Baras, Tees Maar Khan and Matru Ki Bijli ka Mann Dola. 

5. Upen Patel

Upen Patel is a British model and has been famously walking on Indian ramps too. He is known for his play boy lore in women and have acted in quite a few Bollywood movies as well. His famous endorsements are big brands like Hugo Boss, Provogue, Tommy Hilfiger, Zegna, Paul Smith and D'Damas Desire. His famous movies he has worked in are 36 China Town, Namaste London and Ajab Prem ki Ghazab Kahani. 

6. Sonali Raut

Sonali Raut is an upcoming rising model from India who has modeled for Maxim and KingFisher Calendar. She recently has done her strong main role in movie 'Xpose' so let's see whether Bigg Boss delivers her a mainframe career or gets her career way blocked all the way. Good luck Miss Raut.

Tune in to Colors TV on September 21, 2014 to see who else joins them and proves to be a whammy for you all. As usual with Salman Khan there are going to be fireworks and especially as Salman has promised us all that this season will bring its fans the most psychedelic show with him being the captain of the plane.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Revised list for envisaged contestants of Bigg Boss 8

YES! The wait if over for all Bigg Boss fans. Surprisingly as not expected this year its still the superstar host Salman Khan covering the most popular reality TV show in India. As the majority of the contestants are full of controversy for the show spice like the host Salman Khan too we can be sure of the fact that with Salman we cannot expect a plain humour but super witty taunts and bombarded rain of entertaining comment and skits.

Last year there was a concept for heaven and hell which halved two teams and people in hell had to bear the first half of the show with always facing the nominations. This season is somewhat an airplane which still remains a surprise but here's the teaser promo.

Bigg Boss 8 initial promo from Shuja Hassan on Vimeo.


There are sure 8 envisaged contestants in Bigg Boss 8 this time and trust me there are big names and fireworks are not away this time. As always you will decide who will prove to be the controversial Dolly Bindra, Sky (Akashdeep Sehgal),  Imam Siddiqui, Pooja Mishra or Armaan Kohli, Here we go with the count down:

1. Sangeeta Bijlani OR Lulia Vantur




















 Let's see which of these two ex girlfriends of Salman Khan is to enter the house. Don't you wish you had to see both Sangeeta Bijlani and Lulia Vantur together along with Salman Khan. ( LOL. What a spectacle would that be)

2. Sunil Grover AKA Gutthi OR Bharti Singh



 















 These two do not need any introduction in India and Pakistan I guess. I am wondering now if Sunil Grover is finally back on Kapil show then if he enters the house the make up time for Kapil would be a bye bye. :) As for Bharti Singh no need how will she be inside the house. A tantrum ready bomb for anyone who tries to mess with her and that will be very funny too.

 

 

 

 

3. Karan Tacker

Ladies! the popular and hot TV star Karan Takcer , who also is seen in 'Jhalak Dikhla Ja' is heard to seen in the show definite. Let's see if there is a bond to be seen like previously for Veena/Ashmit , Armaan/Tanisha, Gauhar/Kushal, Sana Khan/Vishal Karwal. Let's see.

4. Ameesha Patel OR Hansika Motwani


Well guys recently and sadly Ameesha Patel has shown some displeasing answer towards entering the house and does not look willing but who knows there comes a sudden twist with some raise or a matter of fame interest to get her back and the other one is the adorable yet an emerging talent Hansika Motwani though we haven't seen her movies doing so well so hopefully Bigg Boss turns table for her.

5. Poonam Pandey OR Shanti Dynamite


Well looks like there is an either entry from the two most super controversy cases Poonam Pandey (left) and Shanti Dynamite (Sofia Vasileiadou). (right)
Well for them I can just say that there are always attempt in the Bigg Boss house to have something spicy in the house to vigor some wannabe action. Hope you got my meaning  ;)

6. Rajneesh Duggal OR Kumar Vishwas OR Shaan

Kumar Vishwas
Rajneesh Duggal


 I really hope Shaan (guy in the picture in the black jacket) doesn't get in the house as he is too sweet for such kind of show and I personally shall be disappointed if he doesn't get out of the show as winner.
There could be an Indian politician and poet here Kumar Vishwas who I am guessing just here for the fame.
Best people are looking forward to this handsome model turned actor and also the the winner of 'Fear Factor: Khatron ke Khiladi 5'

7. Alok Nath OR Gautam Gulati OR Karishma Tanna OR Upen Patel


Alok Nath            

Gautam Gulati

Upen Patel
Karishma Tanna



















The above four contestants are big shots in the house. I am sure people shall fight equally for any one of these four to be in the house. Its very difficult to say who beats who in popularity but there shall be a tough choice for Salman to make. In Bigg Boss 6 there was the choice between Aashka Goradia and Urvashi but they both were chosen so who knows if there could be any two, three or even all four i.e. the famous filmy hero papa Alok Nath, TV actor Gautam Gulati, the tall and beautiful Karishma Tanna & hunk Upen Patel 

8. Mukul Dev OR Rahul Dev

Mukul Dev (left) and Rahul Dev (right)
Any one of the famous actors brothers Mukul Dev or Rahul Dev can be in the house. The have a good over all career in Bollywood films and some small screen works are seen here and there too.


Daniel Weber with Sunny Leone (left), Honey Singh (middle) & Lady Gaga (right)
 There might be some strong sparky moment with the foreign stars as usual. There are rumors for the famous Lady Gaga and Daniel Weber, who happens to be Sunny Leone's husband which is not known to so many yet. The news for the ultra famous YO-YO guy Honey Singh in the house as initial contestant is at hold but he might make it as a wild card entry and why we cannot see him there is not a question as he has been part of so many cases in courts and controversies so fingers crossed. This BiggBoss8 is going to be grand; we are all sure. 

'Helping Others' - A Dilemma or Benefit

Sometimes you hate your genetic coding. All your life you have been growing up with your siblings and cousins and same age friends spending ...